


Last Goodbye

by The_Crafty_Cracker



Series: All about Dick... (Pun intended) [16]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Big Brother Dick Grayson, Dick Grayson is Renagade, Dick and Jason are bad with their feelings, Dick trained Tim, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Goodbyes, Hurt Dick Grayson, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Moral Ambiguity, Slade raised Dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-03 16:06:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13344699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Crafty_Cracker/pseuds/The_Crafty_Cracker
Summary: Renegade has an interesting relationship with the batboys, however now he has to tell them that he's going on a mission that he might not come back from.





	1. Until it breaks

**Author's Note:**

> I've been reading wayyy too many Renegade Dick fics lately to not at least to make an attempt at writing one like I have already planned out several other fics for this series ranging from romance, violence and general Renegade things. 
> 
> Which to be fair at this point in Dick's life as Renegade he's calming down, trying to do more good then harm however if he needs to he will. 
> 
> Also, there will be mention and references to some pretty bad things in the last chapter, mainly because Dick didn't grow up with Bruce he was brought up by Slade and as mentioned that was never going to be easy some pretty bad things happened to the poor boy. 
> 
> Meanwhile, Jason is going to need to get his shit together. 
> 
> But anyway! Enjoy!

It was very rare that Renegade was sighted in Gotham, though to be fair, the anti-hero was in the city more than the citizens knew. It was simply the fact that if he didn’t want his presence to be known then there were very few people who even had a chance of noticing that he was around. Nowadays, Renegade was most well known for his escapades in Bludhaven with the also infamous Red Hood. However, tonight he had made no attempt to hide the fact that he was in Gotham, especially after he’d left two rapists, who he’d found forcing themselves on a young women in the back of an alleyway, without their genitals and bleeding out in the back alley, while he made sure the girl got to somewhere safe.

He was currently sitting on top of Wayne tech building looking out onto the street. He was waiting for a certain someone to show up, there was no doubt that they were, but the only question was when? How busy was Gotham’s nightlife tonight? How long until the famous Dark Knight’s partner (sidekick really but none of the Robins had ever like the label and tended to lash out when called so) appeared? Well, Dick hoped that it wouldn’t be too long. He wasn’t particularly in the best of moods tonight, especially after the earlier incident, and not only that but he’d come to Gotham for a particular reason and like the majority of things in Dick’s life, it wasn’t a nice one.

“ _Renegade,_ ” Robin growled at the older man as the kid stalked to where Dick was sitting. The latter turned to face the young vigilante, not that he hadn’t known when Robin had arrived, in fact, he’d known that the boy was there about two rooftops ago. “What are you doing here?”

“Hello to you too Robin,” Renegade chuckled as he sluggishly pulled himself onto his feet and stretch his arms out like a cat that had just woken up. He’d been sitting there observing the city for about an hour now and if the kid had taken any longer he might have just fallen asleep right then and there. Gotham was surprising boring when you were just sitting around watching it.

“I’m not in the mood for your games!” Robin shouted standing in front of the rogue, who raised an eyebrow.

“Obviously,” Dick stated casually as he dodged the fist thrown at his face by the enraged Robin. “Aw, come on little D, don’t be like that.”

“Firstly don’t call that, and secondly what was that shit you pulled earlier! Those men could have died.” Damian growled, attempting another swing at him which again was easily avoided. “Father is furious, he wants me to bring you in!”

Dick scoffed, “So those scum aren’t dead, damn, maybe I didn’t hit them hard enough.”

“It’s not right, Renegade!”

Dick suddenly did a one-eighty as he snarled and his expression twisting into something that made the boy flinch. “That’s the least that they deserve, the fuckers were going to rape an innocent girl and were laughing while doing it.”

Robin looked away almost ashamed while Dick took a couple of seconds to calm himself down, pushing it all, the emotions, the pain, the hate into the back of his mind, and locking it away just like Slade had taught him to all them years ago.  

“You didn’t kill them purposely, did you?” Robin said looking up at the person, who he called an old brother.

It might be messed up that a person like Renegade was someone who Robin, a hero, was willing to call family but Damian didn’t care. Grayson had been there when others hadn’t helped him and guided him when people, even his own father, had shunned and avoided him and if that wasn’t someone you can call family then the Wayne heir didn’t think he had one. And while father might not like Renegade or Richard, the man was trying his best. Damian knew what it was like trying to make your way through the world when all it seemed to be was against you, especially when you had an upbringing like both boys had had, and while Grayson hadn’t been raised by the League of Assassins like Damian had, he had been raised by Deathstroke, and the rumours and whispered words say that Richard didn’t have it easy, not in the slightest.

Plus father was a hypocrite, he shunned Renegade for doing exactly what Red Hood was doing and while Batman disagreed and tried to discourage his former Robin from killing or doing wrong he never pushed it any further. Meanwhile, Renegade was trying to do good, trying help instead of harm, patrolling Bludhaven with Todd in an attempt to make the damn city a better place, even if his methods weren’t exactly hero-like and sometimes, like tonight, he slipped up. Damian sometimes slipped up to reverting back to his old ways, so the boy could sympathize with him.

“I wanted to,” Dick admitted not daring to look at the kid. He had, he’d been so close to killing the fuckers and he wouldn’t have felt the slightest bit of mercy or regret for their deaths. Sure Renegade wasn’t what anyone would define as being good or a hero, he’d done so much wrong in his life to even be considered for those words but he’d never and would never rape someone, nor would he condone it. He felt fury wherever he came across the act, those people weren’t just bad, they were monsters.  

“But you didn’t,” Damian said suddenly grabbing the man’s arms in what to anyone might have look violent and unwelcome but to the two messed up boys it was a sign of reassurance and what equaled comfort in their worlds.

“But I didn’t.” Dick parroted voice slightly, a small smile appeared on his face as he relished in the tranquility of the moment. He stood there, with someone he considered a younger brother, and for a minute he could pretend that everything was fine and that he was here due to happy circumstances.

They stood like that for about ten minutes until Damian started to fidget.  

“Renegade, why are you here?” He questioned not letting go of the elder's arm.

“It’s almost like you don’t want me here, little D,” Dick grinned, using the boy’s nickname that he’d made up when the two first meet all those years ago.

“You were here the other day buying me ice-cream, _Grayson_.” Damian shot back.

“Yeah, but you liked it!” The older said teasingly.

“- _TT-_  it’s was passable.”

“That’s Damian speak for yes!” Dick grinned, and Robin scoffed.

“You never answered my question, Grayson. Why are you here?” Damian muttered obviously having had enough of being teased by his surrogate older brother.

Dick eventually let out a long, deep sigh, not daring to look at Damian who was staring at him intently. “I have to go.”

“Where?”

“I can’t tell you, Robin.”

“When will you be back?”

“…”

“You will be back coming back, right?” Robin integrated his voice a mixture of anger and worry, unsure of how to process or deal with the news.

“I don’t know…” Dick admitted gazing into the night sky.

“You better not die!”

“Damian-“

“No! I will not allow it!” Robin ordered grabbing Renegade’s arms. “You die and I’m throwing you into the pit, only so I can kill you myself!”

“Well, thanks, little D, but I didn’t plan on dying.” Dick teased but both of them knew that it was forced and fake, that the possibility of him dying was still very real. It wasn’t often that Renegade was called away and when he was it was always worse than bad.

“ _Just_ come back please,”

Dick didn’t reply instead he ruffed the boy’s hair and placed a chaste kiss on the young boy’s forehead. “Goodbye Robin,” He whispered before he took off, not looking back.

“RENEGADE!” Robin called as he tried his hardest to follow Dick across the rooftops, “ _GRAYSON!!_ ”

Renegade didn’t react or reply just kept on going, planning to get the hell out of Gotham. Unfortunately, his mask didn’t quite cover the single tear that slid from his eye as he kept running, running and _running_ until Robin no longer was in sight. He knew it wasn’t the best way to go about it but he didn’t know what else to do, he didn’t want to leave, he didn’t want to abandon Damian or the others but he didn’t have a choice, this was just something he had to do, no matter what.  


	2. And if I jump, please don't follow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick after his conversation with Damian he's unsure of whether he'll be able to do it again, so you may call him a coward but he's unable to tell Tim, face to face, not after they've all been thought, so he does the next best thing, he calls him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the chapter is being posted slightly later than I first imagined mainly because I finished off a 9k fic and started a new epic co-author fic! (yes I got distracted) but give me a couple of weeks and I'll have the last part up for you. I'm not giving Dick a choice in the last part but to go tell Jason personally, unlike Tim who he just calls. 
> 
> A little background on Tim and Dick in this fic, Tim still was obsessed with Batman and Batboy (Robin has his own origin), stalking them and blah, blah, blah, you know the drill. However one night he ends up in a sticky situation and is saved by none other than Renegade! A little later Tim manages to persuade Dick to teach him and Renegade has his own apprentice. Though eventually, Tim becomes Batman's partner Tim still loves and admires Dick and always refers to him by his name instead of his secret identity.
> 
> Though is also something that Tim refers to, and Damian did a little which is going to be explored more in the last chapter with Jason. Which yeah, we all know isn't going to end well XD
> 
> But I love all of you for your Kudo's, comments, Bookmarks and everything! It means so much even if my writing isn't always up to par with everyone else masterpieces. 
> 
> Also, the person who I love the most is my great Beta Reader who puts up with all my shit and fics. Really, you're a legend! :D 
> 
> So enjoy!!

“Hello?”

 

_“Timmy!!”_

 

“Dick?”

 

_“How're things hanging?”_

 

“I’m fine, what about you?”

 

_“All’s good here!”_

“Really? Because I heard about what happened in Gotham. I thought you were trying to be good.”

 

_“I’d rather not talk about it.”_

 

“Dick-”

 

_“I’ve already had this talk with Damian,”_

 

“But I know you better, and from what I heard you did quite a number on them.”

 

_“They deserved it, taking advantage of that woman! She was so young, so scared! What the hell did you want me to do, Tim? Just stand there and watch?”_

 

“I didn’t say that,”

 

_“Then what?”_

 

_“_ Just that there was a better way of dealing with the situations.”

 

_“Oh, what so they can come back out and get someone else?”_

 

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

 

_“Do I?”_

 

“Did you just call to argue with me or what?”

 

_“No, but you insisted on bringing up the topic even though I stated I’d rather not.”_

 

“I just wanted to help, I know how things like that affect you…”

 

_“I-um…Thank you, and sorry, you were just trying to help and I didn’t help the situation, did I?”_

 

“Dick, you know you can talk always talk to me right?”

 

_“I’m fine, Timmy, really.”_

 

“Yes, you're that ‘fine’ that you’ve already snapped at me twice during this conversation, something you rarely ever do.”

 

_“I’ll get over it kay? But I’m sorry I snapped at you. However, I don’t want my little apprentice running around getting hurt because he’s distracted thinking of me!”_

 

“I always think about you, Dick,”

 

_“Awww, Tim, that’s so sweet.”_

 

“Though it’s not always a good thing.”

 

_“What do you mean?”_

 

“Well, for starters, I can’t go into a supermarket without thinking of the hell of your cereal eating habits!”

 

_“Hey! There nothing wrong with cereal.”_

 

“No, but the way you eat it for every meal it!”

 

_“It’s healthy,”_

 

“It’s not!”

 

_“But it tastes sooo good.”_

 

“How did you ever manage to survive this long?”

 

_“I ask myself that question every day.”_

 

“But you did the right thing not killing them, you know.”

 

_“Tim, I thought we’d moved on from that,”_

 

“I just thought I’d tell you that I’m proud of you for not killing them.”

 

_“They were lucky, I didn’t want the Bat breathing down my neck that night, there was a reason I was there and couldn’t be bothered with dealing with the Batglare™.”_

 

“Meaning you could have killed them and chose not to.”

 

_“I didn’t say that.”_

 

“You didn’t have too if you wanted to kill them nothing would have stopped you,”

 

_“I did want to,”_

 

“But you chose not to.”

 

_“I’m having a sense of deja vu… I had this exact conversation with Damian only yesterday!”_

 

“You also said you were in Gotham for something important?”

 

_“Yeah, but talk to me about how things are going with the Titans!”_

 

“You’re trying to distract me again, it’s not going to work, you called me for a reason Dick and now you’re simply nervous about telling me because your unsure of how it’s going to make me feel, so you're deflecting, badly at that, into other subjects. You’ve already said you went to Gotham and that you’ve seen Damian, meaning you’ve told him whatever and I’m next on your list, though why’d you go to him, the brat, of all people and not your own apprentice is beyond me!”

 

“ _Will you two ever end this stupid competition? I love you boys both equally and stop calling you brother names, will you? It’s not nice.”_

 

“I bet, no wait, I know, he calls me names when I’m not there, I bet he is right now! The little demon! I bet you didn’t lecture him on this did you?”

 

_“Tim you’re acting like your ten again…”_

 

“Am no- Okay then, I’ll stop insulting the kid when you stop trying to distract me from the real reason you called.”

 

_“Timmy stop being so smart.”_

 

“I remember someone explicitly telling me when I first started that I should never stop using my assets to my advantage and my intelligence just happens to be one of them, that, and you’re predictable.”

 

_“I am not!”_

 

“Now who is acting ten,”

 

_“Okay, okay you got me! I must have taught you well then!”_

 

“Yeah, yeah, you were the best, Dick.”

 

_“Whoop! The best you hear that Batman! The best!”_

 

“Pot. Kettle. Black. Dick, you gripe at me for with Damian but as soon as anyone even briefly mentions my training or worse, Batman you get all competitive,”

 

_“Yeah well, Batman is a jerk.”_

 

“And you scolded me for calling the brat names!”

 

_“Yeah but mine’s true at least.”_

 

“Batman’s not that bad.”

 

_“He so is, he’s a flying rodent, just with a lot his high-tech and brooding.”_

 

“You were never taught to be subtle were you?”

 

_“Oh I was, I just chose to never use it.”_

 

“I can see that,”

 

_“And I taught you to respect your elders.”_

 

“No, you didn’t you taught me how to train surf blindfolded and to sass people, correctly.”

 

_“Oh yeah! No wonder I’m the best!”_

 

“Anyway, you’re deflecting again.”

 

_“But-“_

 

“No, but, no more distractions just tell me,”

 

_“Bossy.”_

 

“Dick.”

 

_“Slade called.”_

 

“Oh…”

 

_“Yeah…”_

 

“That bad?”

 

_“Worse.”_

 

“Can you just not go?”

 

_“You already know the answer to that, Tim.”_

 

“…Yeah…”

 

_“On the plus side, you won’t have to worry about big bad Batman bitching about Renegade again.”_

 

“Firstly don’t say that! Secondly, he doesn’t bitch about you… much.”

 

_“I knew it!”_

 

“This shouldn’t be your main focus right now!”

 

_“That bat dressed sulky bastard.”_

 

“Dick, focus.”

 

_“Sorry, Tim, what?”_

 

“Ugh, what can you tell me about this mission?”

 

_“Nothing.”_

 

“Oh.”

 

_“Tim, listen-“_

 

“Have you told Jason yet?”

 

_“Not yet…”_

 

“God Dick, I know what’s happening between the two of you!”

 

_“There is nothing between us.”_

 

“Just tell him alright?”

 

_“I am, I just wanted to tell you first though Timmy,”_

 

“Thank you, it means a lot to me, Dick… Though you did see Damian first.”

 

_“Don’t start that again,”_

 

“I’m not, just stating a fact.”

 

_“I needed to give him time to accept it,”_

 

“What and I don’t?!”

 

_“You’re older Tim and maturer”_

 

“I’ll tell him that.”

 

_“Well emotionally at least…”_

 

“So is there anything else? Not that I don’t want to talk to you, it’s just that I have the feeling that you’re going to say something else but you’re holding back on me again.”

 

_“You really are smart you know…”_

 

“Yes, you’ve told me many times before, now tell me, Dick!”

 

_“Okay, look, I need you, asking you, to look after them okay?”_

 

“Dick, no-“

 

_“Please, I’m not sure what’s going to happen and I trust you more than anyone to look after them. I know you don’t always get along with your brothers and they might not be blood but both Jason and Damian, while they’ll never admit it, will need someone to be there for them, not all the time but when they get into a funk I want you to swing in, work your magic and knock some sense into them!”_

 

“I’m not sure I can…”

 

_“I know you can.”_

 

“But-“

 

_“I believe in you Tim, and don’t tell Damian but you’re the greatest.”_

 

“Well, it was only because I was trained by someone better… and I don’t mean Batman, I never mean Batman”

 

_“Thank you, Tim, I love you, ya know!”_

 

“Yes, you tell me repeatedly like a broken record.”

 

_“Good at least that way you’ll remember.”_

 

“How long until you have to go?”

 

_“Not long, Timmy, I’ve got time for one more visits and that’s it.”_

 

“Dick…”

 

_“I know,”_

 

“I’m going to miss you,”

 

_“Well I’d hope so my little apprentice”_

 

“I’m not little!”

 

_“Hm, I think you are.”_

 

“I’m almost as tall as you!”

 

_“Then stop growing up so fast, jeez!”_

 

“…You want me to stop growing up?”

 

_“Okay, that sounded much better in my head.”_

 

“As well most of the things that come out your mouth do.”

 

_“Hey!”_

 

“Okay moving on you sai-“

 

_“Tim, as much as I would love to keep speaking to you for the rest of time I kind of have to go now. I’m running out of time and I’ve got to go tell Jay and all…”_

 

“I-I-Already?”

 

_“I’m sorry.”_

 

“…Just try to make it back alive okay?”

 

_“Cross my heart and hope to die,”_

 

“Dick!”

 

_“Whoops.”_

 

“Promise me you’ll come back eventually okay?”

 

_“Yeah,”_

 

“That wasn’t a promise.”

 

_“I know.”_

 

“I love you, Dick,”

 

_“Love you too, Goodbye Tim,”_

 

“Goodbye, Dick- I-”

 

_Beeppppppppp!_

 

“DICK?!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Ugh, I know, I know! 
> 
> But give me a week or two and I'll have Jay (and the last) chapter up for you guys! Don't worry, this is just the first fic of the series there much more Renegade!Dick action and adventures to come! :D
> 
> HAVE A GREAT DAY, GUYS!


	3. Goodbye halcyon days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now he’s here, in Jason’s arms…
> 
> He’s not sure he can do it.
> 
> He has to.
> 
> But-
> 
> He should have just left, walked away when he had the chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOOP FINALLY PART THREE. 
> 
> ...OH. 
> 
> Good luck. 
> 
> XD

When he finally found Jason, it turned out that he was in a middle of some business. The man was tied to the chair, gagged and, if the dark patches on his trousers were anything to go by, had also soiled himself, though just about everyone would shit themselves when faced with a furious Red Hood. Dick wasn’t just anyone though, he wasn’t afraid, of course, he wasn’t, in fact, it more arousing than anything. Jason looked sexy as hell like all domination and threatening, twirling the gun like a professional while prowling around his prey.

It took all of Renegade’s willpower not to interrupt them and simply jump Jason right there and then.

But it seemed that the ‘fun’ hadn’t actually started yet and Dick did always enjoy a good show. Yes, he was messed up, he knows. Blame Slade.

The man screamed and begged behind the gag as Jason pulled out a knife and started lightly pressing it into the other's skin, delicately and artistically slicing it open while muttering things to the man that Dick couldn’t hear from this distance however he knew probably wasn’t pleasant.

Watching a man get tortured wasn’t what a hero did, but even now while trying to go straight Renegade never thought of himself as a hero, even the word vigilante was pushing it. He wanted to help people, yes, make sure that things that happened to him never happened to anyone else and maybe help save the world a couple of times, but that didn’t mean he was good.

And while he promised Tim and Damian that he’d try his hardest to stop killing, that would all have to be put on hold indefinitely until he finished his business with Slade.

Plus this man probably deserved it, Jason Todd didn’t just go around touring for fun, not like some people Dick knew. There always had to be a reason that you were being targeted by Red Hood and they were never good.

It wasn’t like Dick minded anyway. It was always good to watch how others integrated people, you never know he might learn something new or pick up some tips. There was also, in this case, the added bonus of in this case, of getting to watch Red Hood at work, which was also a major turn-on.

Really he shouldn’t be getting all worked up like this, he wasn’t here to fuck, he was here to say goodbye.

But he couldn’t help it, Jason just had that effect on him!

However, while Jason could do things to Dick that turned his mind to mush, Tim was still wrong.

_“God Dick, I know what’s happening between the two of you!”_

There wasn’t anything going on between him and Jason. Well, unless you counted being good old fuck buddies with the benefits of helping each other out on the streets and certain other areas, then sure there was something going off with him and Jason. But this wasn’t a new occurrence though, everyone already knew about them. It was never a secret that Renegade and Red Hood would go at it like horny teenagers whenever they got a moment alone. No, what his little appearance had been referring to was something more domestic, more loving and emotional than just fucking. But there wasn’t.

Yes, okay, Dick will admit that he actually like _likes_ Jason, and more than just for a good night. He likes it when he wakes up in Jason’s apartment to the smell of a cooked breakfast and the man grins dopily at him, as he hands him a plate or when they share childhood stories on quiet nights in Bludhaven. That no matter how frustrated, or how much he needed a fuck, Jason always found or waited for him, no one else, exclusively Dick’s, even when Renegade had his own missions and wasn’t back for days, Red Hood always waited. Dick’s smitten when sees Jay help kids on the streets or defends his brothers. Jason never judges him or condemns him for the things Dick’s done and gets angry when he hears about the things that been done to him.

Hell, one day Dick might even come to love him.

But all this didn’t actually mean anything to Jason… The man had told Dick himself, to his face, when Dick had suggested about possibly going out for lunch one time. While it had broken Dick’s heart to hear the words and the nonchalant emotionlessness of Jason’s voice as he tore his heart to shreds, Dick still respected Jason’s decisions and feelings.

However, even if Jason didn’t feel the same and this was all just them fucking and the occasional partnership on the streets, Dick still couldn’t just leave, not without saying goodbye at least.

He had been a coward when he had called Tim instead of visiting him personally. The boy deserves better than that pathetic goodbye over the phone, but after what had happened with Damian, how the kid had literally begged and shouted for him to stay and make him promise to return, Dick’s heart couldn’t take it, not again, not from someone else he loves and holds dear. He had juggled with the thought of calling Jason as well, or even worse, leaving him a letter, but his heart refused both suggestions and countered that this might be the last time he’s ever going to hear or see Jason, so he better go do it in person.

Fortunately, though, he didn’t have an awful lot of time left, so even if Jason wanted him to stay the night for whatever reason, the main one being obvious, he couldn’t. He had to leave tonight or he’d be late and then there would be serious trouble and repercussions that Dick would rather not think about.

“Are you going to say hi or just hide in the shadows all night?” Jason called out, into the seemingly empty room. The man who he was torturing stopped squirming and looked up at him weirdly like he’d gone mad or something, but Dick knew that’s meant for him, that Jason had probably known about his arrival since he stepped foot in the old abandoned warehouse. Dick wasn’t worried, he hadn’t even tried to be discreet about being there if he had this would have been a different story. Jason for all his Bat-training or even the training he got after his revival still didn’t match up to Dick’s own. Slade might have been merciless but he was still the best.

“I didn’t want to interrupt,” Dick said casually as he walks out into the light.

The man looks at Dick and his eyes widened and he starts thrashing around even worse than before. Okay, so this man seemed even more scared of Renegade then he was Red Hood which was interesting… Had they met before? Maybe, Dick’s not sure.

Red Hood ignores the man, his sole focus on Renegade. He wasn’t wearing his helmet, only his mask, so Dick can see all his expression, he’s grinning like a wolf. “Nonsense Ren, come on in! Me and Mr Palle here were just catching up,”

“Seems more one-sided with the gag and all.” Dick quipped, eyebrows raised. Unlike Jason and Slade, Dick never saw the appeal in wearing a helmet, sure he knew the advantages and all that jazz but it always felt too tight, too suffocating, claustrophobic, like he was trapped and one of Dick’s worse fears was being trapped. Though some people, some very brave people, might say that it’s ironic that Dick fears being trapped when in fact he’s been trapped nearly his entire life, ever since Slade had taken him in at the tender age of eight. While on the outside he might look like a freeman, everyone knew that no matter where or how far Dick went he’d still be Slade’s, still be trapped.

Jason laughed, bringing Dick out of his thoughts as the other sheaths the knife for a second, leaning against the side of the chair, seductively, eyes still focused on Dick. “Well, yeah, we are just having a bit of fun.”

Dick shrugged uncaringly, “Don’t let me stop you.”

“You can join in, if you’d like, the more the merrier.” Jay offered like they were going on some kind of picnic or something and not torturing someone. “He’s your type after all.”

Dick frowned at the comment. “I don’t have a type,”

“Aw Ren, and here I was thinking I was your type. I’m wounded.” Jason said in mock hurt, even going as far to grab his own heart. Dick rolled his eyes.

“Still, I don’t have a type.”

Jason scoffs, “One word: redheads.”

“Whatever,” Dick mutters almost pouting. Okay so he a thing for people with red hair, but it was mean of Jason to point it out.

Jason laughs again at his sulking, which to be fair was pretty petty on Dick’s part, he was trained to be killer, he was not supposed to sulk and pout over someone calling him out on his attraction to redheads. “Come on babe, we’ve left Mr Palle hanging for too long, he must be getting bored.”

He can’t deny how handsome Jason looks, always looks, and how every time he speaks, especially like this, it sends shivers of anticipation and arousal down Dick’s spine.

However, he had to remember that he wasn’t here for that.

Even as much as he wanted to.

Dick crossed his arms defiantly. “Go ahead. I’m not stopping you, but I’m not joining in Hood.”

It’s Jason’s turn to roll his eyes this time. “Are you still on with that stupid being good thing Ren? Really?”

Dick narrows his eyes at Jason, “It’s not stupid.”  

And while Dick might really like the guy, it doesn’t mean that he’s still not occasionally a jerk, like right now.

Jason waved him off, “Yeah, yeah, I know you promised the brats and all, blah, blah, blah.” His eyes then narrow for a second and shark-like grin appears, “But if you not here to help then I can guess what you’re here for.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively while eyeing Dick up.

Fortunately for him Jason can’t tell how aroused he actually is thanks to his outfit, but the man seems to be able to tell anyway.

“My apartment, you know which one, I’ll be there shortly,” Jason said as he turned back to his captive pulling back out the knife and Mr Palle who had been still and quiet while they talked seemed to have found some energy and started begging and crying again.

Dick shook his head firmly, though he’s very tempted to follow the order, and takes a step forward, “I’m not here for that either, Hood.”

That seemed to peek Jason’s interests as he turns away once again from his captive, “Oh? Then what?”

“It’s private.”

To be fair, Dick couldn’t have cared whether or not Mr Palle heard about his departure or the fact that Slade had called since anyone who had a brain cell or two could work out the connection between Renegade and Deathstroke. However, if this in any way followed his last two previous conversations then Dick was sure to get emotional or say something personal, and that was something he really didn’t want the man to hear. He had a reputation to uphold after all.

The gun rang loudly in the near-empty warehouse followed by the loud thump of Mr Palle’s body as it hit the floor, motionless.

“See, now we're alone.”

“Did you have to?” Dick frowned, while he didn’t want the man to hear the conversation, killing him for it was a bit harsh.

“He was a rapist,” Jason explained with a raised eyebrow, walking closer, stopping just in front of the smaller man. “Unless you really have gone soft. I heard about what happened in Gotham, the Bat was furious but I was unimpressed. Renegade, you should have killed them, doing what you did doesn’t stop anything, yeah sure you might have broken a few bones and such but bones heal. They're still breathing, and will most likely escape and quickly, it _is_ Gotham after all. However, you already know all this and yet you let them live. It's almost as if you want them to go out and do it again.”

“No! Of course not!” Dick shouted horrified that Jason, of all people _Jason_ , would ever suggest something like that! God, Jason was one of the few people he had ever trusted to spill some of the more horrific events of his childhood with and he goes and says something like that?

Jason knows, _he knows what happened_ and yet he still…

And _damn,_ Jason had sounded so much like _Slade_ at that moment and if that isn’t the world biggest turn-off then Dick doesn’t know what is.

“Fuck you.” He snarled, spinning around on his feet and starting to walk away.  

He’d come to tell Jason something important however if he was going to act like a grade A ass and say shit like that, then he’d rather leave and send Hood a letter in the mail or something even vaguer.

He’s stopped by a hand on clutching his wrist tightly enough to stop him from moving but not hard enough that it hurt him.Though if he really wanted to Dick could easily break out of it. However, he allowed Jason to tug him back so that his back falls against Red Hood’s chest and Jason’s free hand wrapped around his waist.

“Sorry,” Jason muttered apologetically into his ear, “That was low, even for me.”

Dick didn’t reply, still mad but he doesn’t break away either because it’s Jason and well…

They just stand there in silence for a couple of minutes before Jason spins Dick around so that he’s now facing him, he drops his hand from Dick’s wrist and instead entwines their fingers, holding him close.

“I told you,” Jason says as he squeezes Dick’s hand comfortingly, “One day I’m going to find them sick fucks and make them pay for what they did to you.”

Ever since that night where they say on a random rooftop, (as it seemed to be on one of the very rare occasions where nothing was happening in Bludhaven) Red Hood and Renegade had talked, about anything and everything. It had been nice up until Dick had accidentally made a comment about something that had happened to him when he was a kid and Jason being the bat-trained detective that he was caught on very quickly and demanded that Dick tell him everything. He’d held out for all of about half an hour before spilling everything. Normally Renegade never talks, many people have learned that the hard way, but Red Hood played dirty, very dirty. Not that Dick minded in the slightest.

Jason hadn’t taken it well and had gotten even angrier when he found out that neither Dick or Slade had managed to find or capture the perpetrators and very loudly and forcefully proclaimed that he was going to find the bastards and make them pay.

Dick had been smitten ever since.

“I know…” Dick whispers, but not daring to look Jason in the eyes but rest his forehead on the vigilante's shoulder. “Jason, I know.”

Jason’s only reply was to tightened his grip on him.

Dick wished that he never had to leave Jason’s arms, wished he didn’t have to do and say what was going to, that he was going to leave and possibly not ever return. It might not even bother Jason that much, or at least as much as it had affected Damian and Tim. Maybe Jason will be sad about losing his fuck buddy, as it seems that friends with benefits were hard to find nowadays especially when you’re a wanted vigilante and only a select people are allowed to know about your secret life.

While it might not mean the same to Red Hood, Dick’s heart ached by simply thinking about telling Jason he was going, never mind actually doing it.

And now he’s here, in Jason’s arms…

He’s not sure he can do it.

He has to.

But-

He should have just left, walked away when he had the chance.

“Jay…”

“Yes, Dickie?”

Now that they're alone there's no need for aliases or codenames, it was simply the two of them alone.

But he has to do this, he has to.

“I’m leaving.”

It takes a couple of seconds for Jason to process Dick’s comments, the latter unsure of how he was going to take it. Was Jason going to shout? Push him away? Not even care? Tell him as nonchalantly as he did when he told Dick that none of this mattered to him, that it doesn’t matter now either?

What Dick didn’t expect was for Jason to pull him closer once again.

“Where?” The vigilante demanded while Dick tried to distract himself from both he hurt and false hope that Jason is giving him and fiddles with the bottom of Jason’s jacket. Why? Why, if Jason didn’t feel the same about Dick if he really didn’t care or none of this meant anything, then why did he act like this?!

Dick sighed sadly, “Jason…You don’t need to know.” He hopes that Red Hood will let that go, it's not like Jason will be able to do anything about it anyway.

“Where?” Jason repeated, his eyes narrowing.

“I can’t tell you.” He can’t, in his mind, he's begging Jason just to let it drop but he already knows that the younger man isn’t the type.

Jason scoffed, “Hell you can’t!”

He finally looks at Jason, eyes filled with emotion, glazed with unshed tears and he loses it. “I can’t! I want to tell you but I can’t! I wanted to tell Tim that everything will be okay and I wanted to tell Damian that I’ll come back but I can’t! I _just can’t!_ ”

“Dick…” Jason said as he readjusts his hold on the smaller man, pulling him in so close that their bodies are basically moulded together.

“I’m sorry,” Dick whispered, he shouldn’t have shouted, nor should he have lost control over his emotions like that, he had been trained better than that.  

“It’s okay,” Jason murmured into the other's hair, “Just don’t go.”

Dick shook his head, “It’s Slade, I need to.”

He really doesn’t want to part on bad terms, he really doesn’t, but Jason can’t stop him from going, even if Dick doesn’t particularly want to go in the first place. Dick would much rather stay here and spend time with Jason whether it be through sex or patrol as Red Hood and Renegade. He wants to stay and spend go out more with Damian, buy the kid all the ice cream and have a Disney movie marathon because neither of them has ever watched any and Tim claims that they're classics. Speaking of his little (though not so little anymore) apprentice, he wants to go over to the Titans and tell the kid how proud he is of him, he wants to teach Tim more, travel and show him the world.

But no, he has to go, he as to.

“You don’t,” Jason replied, his grip now bordering on painful.

“I do.”

_“No,”_ Jason growled and Dick does not get it, with Tim and Damian he can understand why they are so against him going, he cares for them and they care for him but with Jason, Dick cares so much but the other man and he-

“You can’t do this!” Dick exclaimed, frustration building. God, he’s exhausted, emotionally especially. He really regrets not just leaving Jason a letting or a text but his stupid heart hadn’t let him, that and he promised Tim. However, he’s not sure how much more of this he can take. He wants to run, he wants to cry and he wants to kiss Jason and tell him how he feels.

God, he feels so pathetic, if Slade could see him now he’d be punished so badly and probably get so many lectures about emotional control and not falling for a Bat.

“What will stop you from leaving? Stop you being stupid and running away to your death?” Jason shoots back, obviously not impressed but still clutching Dick close.

“No this!” Caring! Acting like Dick actually means something to him! All the false hope he keeps giving Dick only to rip it away cruelly like a used plaster.   

“I don’t-”

“Understand? Of course, you don’t.” Dick laughs almost hysterically, cutting Jason off and causing him to give Dick a concerned but wary look. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

“Dick?”

“I’m sorry…” He really, really is. There was no other way to get out of this, Jason wasn’t going to let him go and by the looks of it, Dick won’t be able to convince Jason that he needs to do this, that he doesn’t have any other choice.  

Jason frowned, “What do you mea-“

Red Hood didn’t even get to finish his sentence as he feels a pinch at the back of his neck and his grip loosened as his body fell unconscious into Renegade’s arms.

Dick hates himself for having to do this. 

He made sure to leave Jason’s unconscious body back in the vigilante's apartment. He laid Jason on his bed, heck he even sheds the man’s armour and gear so that he’s down to a plain t-shirt and boxers before tucking him under the covers. It was easy and simple considering how many times and hours he’s been in Jason’s apartment and vice versa. It once again took everything Dick had not to simply slip into the bed and cuddle up next Jason.

He does end up leaving Jason a letter after all. The first part is an apology, hopes that Jason will forgive him and the second part explains some things he didn’t or couldn’t say in person.

Before he leaves, Dick leans down and presses one last small but loving kiss on Jason’s lips. “Goodbye, Jason.”

Renegade quickly grabs his pre-packed bags from his apartment, before making it to the highest point in Bludhaven and sitting there for a while, simply watching the city, longing to stay, but at least he knows it’s in good hands.

He isn’t sure when or if he’ll return.

He promised both Damian and Tim that he would try his best to come back to them.

He wants to come back.

He wants to come back to Jason.  

But just in case, this was his last goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not exactly the happy ending... However, Dick will be back! Jason just has to realize his feelings first... Which will mean that Tim has to go whack him around the head with a wok or something and be like look! YOU LOVE HIM YOU JUST CAN'T SEE IT AND IT HURTS HIM. *WHACK* 
> 
> Buttttt anyway, hope you enjoyed the first installment of this series!!! Don't worry there is much more to come!

**Author's Note:**

> So what did you all think? Next chapter will be him telling Tim, and you can never guess who is after that :P Yeah well all know that's not going to go well. 
> 
> The next chapter shouldn't be too long, possibly sometime next week but depending on what you guys think I might be able to get it out at the end of the weekend. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!! :D


End file.
